Five Things That Are Definitely Bad To Hear In A Kung Fu Class!

A Karate class is a place where you learn to be healthy and strong and fit. It is filled with dedicated, hard working, serious and intent people. The five following items are things that you do not want to hear in any serious and good martial arts class.

Hearing any of these five things interrupts the class, slows it down and breaks the pacing, and is just downright rude. Hearing any of these five things reveals an innate weakness of the spirit that should not be manifested, but rather squashed quickly and fast and buried where nobody will ever find it. Hearing any of these things destroys the rite of passage that any good and serious martial arts class is intended to be.

Number five amongst the things you do not ever want to hear in a good and serious martial arts class is…that hurts. Hey, a little pain is going to happen here and there, we all know that, but grunt and grit and get over it. If you need medical attention, crawl off the mat, find a telephone, call an ambulance, and check yourself in at the local hospital!

Number four amongst the things you do not ever want to hear in a good and serious martial arts class is…I was not ready. Good frigging Lard on rubber crutches in a polio ward with a waxed floor smothered in fresh oil…being ready is what kung fu are all about! Open your eyes and ears and turn the switch in your cranium on and get with the gosh darn program!

Number three amongst the things you do not ever want to hear in a good and serious martial arts class is…I am sorry. You are supposed to be learning how to dish out pain and misery and break assorted bones and stop the heart and all that! If you handed out too much pain, then watch him or her crawl off the mat, or, better yet, roll them off the mat, and get back to the business of maiming and punishing and breaking all the little bones and popping all the little organs inside your fellow man!

Number two amongst the things you do not ever want to hear in a good and serious martial arts class is…what if the guy does something else, like…. Oh, ow and slap my ears so hard I grow cauliflowers I can not believe you said something so ridiculous as that! If he does something else that you did not expect, then you do something else that he did not expect…and, in the meantime…get with the drill or you will not be able to handle the first thing he did!

Number one amongst the things you do not ever want to hear in a good and serious martial arts class is…me asking you why you were late! Get ready you good for nothing excuse for a turkey butt, because when I get done doing to you what I am going to do to you you are not going to be ready or able to crawl from what is about to hurt so bad somebody is going to have to roll you off the mat so the serious martial artists can get on with the show! I really and truly mean it, too!

The point of this dissertation has been…always be ready, be considerate and careful with all your classmates and try not to injure them or yourself, do not interrupt or slow the pacing of the class, and be on time for every class. Sure, we had some humor here, and there should be a modicum of humor available when you are learning to maim and dismember the other citizens of good, old planet earth. But…treat the martial arts as sacred, and the martial arts will enable you to become sacred.

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